My Hope in God

MY HOPE IS IN GOD

Finally, my heart is able to share the loss of our beloved son Jerry II…It has not been and easy journey to get here today…It all began last year in early 2007…Our son was not feeling well and his weight dropped over 65 pounds which gave me this sick feeling inside the very core of who I was.

His dad had asked him to go to the doctor and get this checked out but his life called to keep working to keep his family afloat in these days we live in…The pressures to make ends meet were on him and he was compelled to work his new job with a passion…

We went to our son’s house one evening and my heart broke as I saw his size and the energy he did not have…he had shrunk tremendously and the food he ate that night “chicken and dumplings” came up within less then 30 minutes…His dad and I stayed for awhile but were absolutely devastated by our son’s size and how sick he was.

As we drove home our hearts were very heavy…this child we raised was sick and he had not even been checked out by the doctors except for his treatment for H-Pylori…it was obvious the problem was deeper then that…

I have prayed for him all his life…for peace, joy, and a godly mate…but this time my prayers were Lord help him and the doctors to see what it going on…In August of 2007 our son had endoscopic procedures…two to be exact…they revealed nothing…then they did a laparoscopic procedure in which they immediately found cancer in his stomach…it doesn’t matter at what stage at this point…my brother, Jerry II's wife and I sat there froze and in shock…My heart began to break then and is a continuous stage of brokenness…

For some reason that I cannot claim…many promises of God went through my mind…admitting to myself that this was a big God sized job…we began our journey of calling on the name of the Lord to heal our son…little did we know through this journey God would make us, break us, hold us, and mold us along with the fact “our son stated to the family “he wanted God glorified through this battle he would fight.”

This mama looked into the eyes who looked into hers for the first time as he entered this world and I could not believe what I was hearing…my heart felt shame…My heart began to fracture into a million peaces…It was hard to talk about it, it was hard to reason in my mind, it was hard to pray to the God of hope who holds all things in His hands…my child was willing to rest in God’s hands…but this mama fought hard to keep him here…

Isaiah 44:3 “For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants.”

How could this be? When would this scripture come to full comprehension and understanding in my broken spirit and soul?