I Cannot Believe This Day

April 28, 2009

I do not pretend to understand all that life hands out in this world we live in. I try not to wear a façade with regards to pain and suffering. Today as I sit here and wait for our difficult tomorrow, my heart is fractured as it’s been for 2 years.

Tomorrow we remember my precious brother as he valiantly won his crown of life. His cancer was mean to his precious body and then his precious heart could not stand up to what the body demanded. I cannot say in all honesty that I can celebrate but as I looked at a precious promise of God:

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will we not fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea.” Psalm 46:1-3

We claimed this promise many times and have shared it with others…God was Teddy’s strength, our earth has been shaken by our loss of him in our lives, and it feels like the sea waters are over us and we are slowly sinking in the depth of despair. As we also have given up our son Jerry II and our blessed mama, it seems like we are in sinking sands of brokenness.

Yet, amid all the pain of loss, all the memories of time, all the love that has been taken, we are lifted up out of the miry clay, fear is transferred to precious memories, and we stand on the faith through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Our hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness…On Christ the Solid Rock we will stand…all other ground may sink but our feet will remain stayed on the faith Teddy had and what God has given to each one of us individually.

Yes, this day is most difficult but tomorrow will hold our hearts and tears forever. I as Teddy’s sister will not give up on the faith God has placed within my soul…I will not turn to another to worship…I will not sing no other song except: “Because He Lives!”…and most of all I will look to the day I will see my brother Teddy, my son Jerry, and my mama. Yes, I cannot believe the loss but will believe they all live in the arms of my Savior Jesus Christ.

©Mary Christine Lancaster

Written day before Theophilus Austin Mills, Jr. Memorial

For my broken heart...mammy